


Harry Potter: Once More With Feeling

by moony



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, Multi, Musical, Other, Parody, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-21
Updated: 2011-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-24 20:14:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moony/pseuds/moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in 2003, I rewrote the entire Buffy musical as a parody of HP.</p><p>Don't ask. Just don't. I was never here.</p><p>(I didn't really tamper much with Giles's song. You'll see why.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Potter: Once More With Feeling

**1 INT. HOGWARTS - GRYFFINDOR DORMITORY**

 ** **HARRY** 'S** Snitch alarm clock rings. It's 7:00 AM. He picks up, looks at it, then puts it back down.

 **CUT TO:**

 **2 INT. HOGWARTS - VARIOUS DORMITORIES**

 ** **HERMIONE**** , ****RON**** and **NEVILLE** go about their morning routine. **HARRY** sleeps through his alarm. ****SNAPE**** awakens beside ******LOCKHART****** , rubs his head and shakes it, as if he feels a bit off. ******LOCKHART****** kisses him, and ****SNAPE**** forgets feeling off. They rise and get on with the morning.

 **CUT TO:**

 **3 INT. HOGWARTS - GREAT HALL**

 ** **HERMIONE**** and ****RON**** look through textbooks, though ****RON**** has Quidditch Weekly hidden inside his. magazine. ****HERMIONE**** points something out and smiles; ****RON**** frowns, turns a page and drinks his pumpkin juice, leaving him with an orange moustache.

 ** **REMUS**** passes by, finds ****GINNY**** reading a restricted book and takes it away from her. **FRED** and **GEORGE** are hunched together and plotting while ****HARRY**** passes the time picking at his breakfast. ****REMUS**** approaches and smiles at him, and nods at the book in front of him. It is ADVANCED DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS. ****HARRY**** sighs, picks it up and reads. ****REMUS**** has tea with ****SIRIUS**** , who is doing the Prophet crossword.

 **CUT TO:**

 **4 EXT. HOGWARTS GROUNDS - NIGHT**

 ** **HARRY**** walks alone through the grounds, wand twirling lazily on his fingers.

 ** **HARRY****  
Every single night, the same old story.  
I'm the one to save us all.

Trying to live up to fame and glory.  
Answering the call, I will take the fall.

[ ** **DEATH EATER**** approaches, ****HARRY**** zaps it with a spell, it screeches and runs off.]

 ** **HARRY****  
Life is just a game and fairly lame  
Because it's all the same  
And I'm just going through the motions  
Coasting through the text  
Making sure that no one winds up hexed.

[ ** **HARRY**** blasts apart a rose bush and flushes out some giant spiders. He chases them off with some well-placed spells. He turns and sees some **DEMENTORS** approaching. He readies his wand.]

 ** **HARRY****  
I suppose I'm brave but please don't mention  
I am really not so vain  
Skeeter smeared my name through all creation  
Made me sound insane.

[He zaps the **DEMENTOR** with a Patronus. **DEMENTOR** ignores it and shoves him to the ground.]

 **DEMENTOR** :  
He is such a pain.

 ** **HARRY**** :  
Time for the refrain.

[The **DEATH EATERS** surround him, dancing. ****HARRY**** jumps up and the Gryffindor Sword appears in his hand.]

 **DEATH EATERS** :  
He does pretty well with simple spells  
But lately we can tell  
That he's just going through the motions.  
Faking it, somehow

[ ** **HARRY**** decapitates one **D.E.** , then stabs the other one in the gut.]

 ** **DEATH EATER** :**  
He's not even half the boy he... ow.

[ ** **HARRY**** strides through the grounds with the sword, approaches a tree and cuts the ropes binding **CHO** to it, freeing her.]

 ** **HARRY****  
Is my life this way forever?  
Cursed to be the world's protector?

 **CHO**  
Wangoballwime?

 ** **HARRY****  
Whatever.

I don't want to be  
Going through the motions  
I don't know what to say  
I never asked to be  
The boy who lived, you see  
Why does it have to be  
This way?

[The last **D.E.** attacks, ****HARRY**** sets it on fire, big finish! Fade to black.]

 **CUT TO:**

 **5 INT. DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS CLASSROOM**

[ ** **HARRY**** enters the room to greetings all around.]

 ** **REMUS****  
Good morning, HARRY.

 ** **SIRIUS****  
Oi, Harry! Did you see that Chang girl waving at you, this morning?

 ** **HARRY****  
Huh? Oh, I guess so.

 ** **SIRIUS**** is puzzled at his response. ****HARRY**** heads over to the reading table where ****RON**** sits, with pastries. ****HERMIONE**** is beside him, reading studiously.

 ** **RON****  
Respect the crumpet and tame the scone!

 ** **HERMIONE****  
That's still funny, Ron.

 ** **HARRY****  
So... all's quiet? Nothing out of the ordinary? No maniacal schemes, plot-twists, deus ex machina?

[Everyone shakes their heads.]

 ** **HARRY****  
Ah. Good! Er... last night, did anyone else... burst into song?

[Everyone pauses, then there is a cacophany of agreement.]

 ** **RON****  
Bloody hell!

 ** **SNAPE****  
I ascertained that I alone was-

 ** **REMUS****  
Well, I sang, but then Sirius threw a pillow at me...

 ** **SIRIUS****  
...can't sing worth a damn, it was horrible-

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Like a musical!

 ** **REMUS****  
...though that would explain why Sirius could suddenly play the bassoon, and why the house elves broke into synchronised dancing...

 ** **SNAPE****  
...I believe I performed an aria about Sleeping Draughts.

 ** **HERMIONE****  
...and Ron and I were quarreling, and everything rhymed and we had harmonies and the dance with Sugar Quills...

 ** **SNAPE****  
There was an entire verse about wormwood.

 ** **RON****  
It was... odd.

 ** **REMUS**** (to HARRY)  
What did you sing about?

 ** **HARRY****.  
...I don't remember. It just seemed normal.

 ** **RON****  
It was not normal! That was not on!

 ** **SIRIUS****  
Might it happen again?

 ** **REMUS****  
I don't know. Perhaps we should ask Albus...

 ** **HERMIONE****  
Or we could go to the library.

 ** **RON**** (scoffs)  
Of course, the LIBRARY.

 ** **SNAPE****  
Well, obviously we must look at this logically, because I for one-

 ** **REMUS****  
I've got a theory,  
That it's the Dark Lord  
He's cast a singing curse and-  
That sounds rather silly.

 ** **SNAPE****  
I've got a theory  
We're in a Pensieve  
And we are trapped inside of Dumbledore's psyche.

 ** **SIRIUS****  
I've got a theory we should work this out.

 ** **RON** , **REMUS** , **SNAPE** , ****LOCKHART**** , **HERMIONE****  
It's kind of creepy  
What's this dodgy singing all about?

 ** **RON****  
It could be witches,  
Some evil witches.

[ ** **HERMIONE**** stares at him.]

 ** **RON****  
Which is ridiculous,  
'Cause witches they know everything  
Their spells are good and books are cool   
And so's their cat and I'll be over here.

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
I've got a theory,  
It could be house-elves.

[Crickets chirp; everyone stares.]

 ** **SIRIUS****  
I've got a-

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
House-elves aren't so dim   
As everyone suspects them  
They got them great big ears  
And potato-shaped noses  
And what's with their bad grammar?  
And how did they all learn to cook so well, anyway?  
House-elves! House-elves! It must be HOUSE-ELVES!

[More staring.]

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Or maybe snidgets?

 ** **SNAPE****  
I've got a theory we should solve this quickly

 ** **SNAPE**** & ****REMUS****  
Because I'm worried all this song and dance will make us sickly.

 ** **HARRY****  
I've got a theory - let's work together  
The Gryffindor, they never waver  
Hogwarts is home, so we will save her  
We've been through worse  
In every year  
If it's a curse  
We should not fear

 **ALL**  
What can't we do if we get started  
We're nothing if we aren't good-hearted

 **MYRTLE** (pops up through drain in floor)  
I'd help you try  
It would be nice  
But I might die...

 ** **HARRY****  
You can't die twice.

 **ALL**  
What can't we face if we're together?  
What's in this place that we can't weather?  
There's nothing we can't face...

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
...except for house-elves.

 ** **SNAPE****  
That was extremely disturbing.

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
I thought it was brilliant!

 ** **HARRY****  
So... what's causing it? I mean, I'm not exactly shaking in my Quidditch kit, here, but there's definitely something dodgy happening to us, and I don't think it's going to lead to Butterbeer and Chocolate Frogs.

 ** **SNAPE****  
I suspect a spell, moreso if it is limited to us and us alone.

[ ** **HARRY**** turns and heads for the door. He opens it and peers out into the corridor, where he sees a group of Ravenclaw prancing down the hallway.]

 **6 EXT. HOGWARTS HALLWAY**

 **LISA TURPIN** holds up a scroll and sings triumphantly.

 **LISA**  
I got... an outstanding... OWL!

 **RAVENCLAW**  
She got an outstanding OWL!

 **CUT TO:**

 **7 INT. DADA CLASSROOM**

[ ** **HARRY**** closes the door and turns back to the others.]

 ** **HARRY****  
It's not just us.

 **CUT TO:  
**  
[Later, in the Great Hall. ****GINNY**** runs in, excited.]

 ** **GINNY****  
You will never believe what happened in Transfiguration today!

 ** **RON****  
Everybody started singing and dancing?

[ ** **GINNY**** is disappointed that her news isn't news.]

 ** **GINNY****  
I gave birth to a thestral.

 ** **RON****  
WICKED. Did it sing?

 ** **GINNY****  
So you lot, too, eh?

[ ** ** **LOCKHART****** whispers to ****SNAPE****.]

 ** **SIRIUS**** (to ****GINNY**** )  
What'd you sing about?

 ** **GINNY****  
Turning hedgehogs into pincushions.

[ ** ** **LOCKHART****** is giggling at ****SNAPE****. ****SNAPE**** suddenly turns to the others, covering.]

 ** **SNAPE****  
The volume. The text.

 ** **SIRIUS****  
Er, what text?

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
The.. volume-y text?

 ** **SNAPE****  
As I am certain you are well aware of, Miss Granger.

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Fantastic, uh, Hexes. And How To Cure Them.

[ ** **SNAPE**** nods assent.]

 ** **RON****  
The WHO in the WHAT now?

 ** **SNAPE****  
It is a tome, Mr Weasley, in which I believe I may be able to find the solution to our predicament.

[ ** **GINNY**** looks down at the counter and sees ****HARRY** 's** eagle quill lying on a table. She slips it into her robes pocket.]

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
So we should, ah-

 ** **REMUS****  
Well, I'm very nearly tempted to go have a word with Dobby at the moment, so I'm open to anything.

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Right! Brilliant! We'll, er, go have a look in the volume, then. The text.

 ** **SNAPE****  
I believe this could, in vulgar layman's terms, blow the whole thing wide open.

[They both stand up and rush out of the hall]

 **CUT TO:**

 **8 EXT. HOGWARTS GROUNDS**

 ** **SNAPE**** and ******LOCKHART****** stroll in the Hogwarts gardens.

 ** **SNAPE****  
I hope you are aware that I do not have any such book.

[Two witches pass by and giggle at ****SNAPE****.]

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Well, yes! But really! Who wants to spend all day cooped up! Not when we can have a nice little stroll in the gardens, where you can be ogled by young witches!

 ** **SNAPE****  
What?

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
You were ogled, my dear Sevvie!

 ** **SNAPE****  
Don't call me Sevvie. They... looked at me?

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Indeed they did!

 ** **SNAPE****  
Ah. Does this mean that I am cured? That I now prefer women?

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
I bloody hope not! I may be femme, but I'm not that femme!

 ** **SNAPE****  
Yes, you are. Were they actually... ogling me?

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
This surprises you?

 ** **SNAPE****  
I'm fairly certain they were not looking at me, but rather at you. You are... you attract quite a bit of attention.

 ** **SNAPE****  
I spend my time in darkness  
Preserving my personal space  
I really rather liked it  
Avoiding the human race  
Now my dungeons glow  
Like a cabaret show

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
You're under my spell  
I have made you mine  
Everyone else thinks its fine  
No more such an ass  
Failing almost every class

 ** **SNAPE****  
Since you regained your mem'ry  
I like to have you around  
Not sure what you see in me  
But I'm glad it's you that I've found  
You're a breath of air  
Drifting into my lair

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
You're under my spell  
Nothing you can do  
I just made you want me too  
I've worked this charm so well  
Funny how easy  
Changing all your memories  
I made you believe

[ ** **SNAPE**** and ******LOCKHART****** dance, ala Anna and the King, off into a secluded hedge]

 ** **SNAPE****  
The Quaffle to the goal  
You can make me feel whole

[ ** **SNAPE**** falls onto the ground, ******LOCKHART****** hovers over him.]

 ** **SNAPE****  
I'm under your spell.  
Flying like a broom  
Maybe we should get a room?

[ ** ** **LOCKHART****** ducks down low.]

 ** **SNAPE****  
At this you do excel  
Gilderoy I do  
Wish that you could feel it too

 ** ** **LOCKHART******  
Can I call you Sevvie?

[ ** **SNAPE**** starts levitating.]

 ** **SNAPE****  
Don't call me Sevvie  
Don't call me Sevvie  
Don't call me Sev-

 **SMASH CUT TO:**

 **10 INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM**

 ** **RON**** and ****HERMIONE**** are at the table, reading through a stack of books.

 ** **RON****  
I bet they're not even working.

 ** **HERMIONE**** (without looking up)  
Hmm?

 ** **RON****  
Snape and Lockhart. You saw the way they were with each other. The 'your-broomstick-or-mine' to them? I bet they're-

[Looks over and sees ****GINNY**** in the corner with a book in her lap.]

 ** **RON****  
Uh. Singing. They're... probably singing. Right now.

 ** **HARRY****  
Maybe. Or maybe they're reading.

 ** **RON****  
Right.

 ** **HERMIONE****  
RON...

 ** **GINNY****  
HERMIONE, it's okay. I do know about this stuff. It's really romantic!

 ** **RON** / **HERMIONE****  
No, it's not!

 ** **GINNY****  
Oh, come on! Songs, dancing about - snogging maybe? What's wrong with that?

 **CUT TO:**

 **11 EXT. HOGSMEADE STREETS, NIGHT**

[A wizard tap dances somewhat drunkenly out of the Three Broomsticks. He dances faster and faster down the road and into an alley, where his movements are suddenly frantic and out of control. He bursts into flames and amid agonised screams he dies, falling at the feet of **TOM **RIDDLE**** , a young man in black robes.]

 **TOM **RIDDLE****  
How... entertaining.

[Fade to black]

 **ACT II**

 **12 INT. GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM, DAY  
**  
It is very early in the morning. **REMUS** , **SIRIUS** , **HERMIONE** and **RON** have been reading all night. They wake at dawn, the room is empty except for **REMUS** in one corner, with **SIRIUS** curled up as **PADFOOT** at his feet. **RON** is slumped over onto his book, drooling into the pages. **HERMIONE** nudges him.

 ** **HERMIONE****  
Wake up! You'll be late for Charms!

 ** **RON****  
Gnuh. Is Saturday.

 ** **HERMIONE****  
Is it?

 ** **REMUS**** (waking up)  
Yes, it's Saturday.

 ** **HERMIONE****  
Oh. I lost track of the days... funny, how time flies-

[She shuts her book, and a puff of dust makes ****RON**** sneeze and waking **PADFOOT** , who looks balefully up at **REMUS**.]

 ** **HERMIONE****  
-when you're having fun.

 ** **RON**** (yawns)  
I can think of better ways to have fun. Like Quidditch, and the Cannons, and Martin Miggs comic books-

 ** **SIRIUS**** (transforming into Padfoot, sitting up and rubbing his eyes)  
-and broomsticks, and pints at the Three Broomsticks-

 ** **RON****  
Honeydukes!

[ ** **RON**** and ****SIRIUS**** start babbling about their favourite things. ****HERMIONE**** ignores them, stands up and looks at ****REMUS****.]

 ** **HERMIONE****  
This is the boy that I think I've a thing for  
Isn't he grand?

 ** **REMUS****  
This is the man who I've wanted forever  
You understand?

 ** **HERMIONE****  
But I can't tell him this  
'cause he will only take the piss

 ** **REMUS****  
His tact is quite remiss

 ** **HERMIONE** / **REMUS****  
We'll never tell.

 ** **RON****  
She is a pain  
She's a true ball-and-chain  
But I don't think I mind

 ** **SIRIUS****  
He can be stern but I yearn  
To be with him  
Right by his side

 ** **RON****  
I'll never let her know  
I don't think she would ever go

 ** **SIRIUS****  
I just wish I could- no.

 ** **SIRIUS** / **RON****  
We'll never tell.

[They all exchange nervous looks.]

 **ALL**  
'Cause there's nothing to tell.

[They start clearing up the books and tidying the Common Room.]

 ** **HERMIONE****  
He drools.

 ** **REMUS****  
He sheds.

 **RON**  
She prolly reads in bed

 **SIRIUS**  
He likes his steak so rare that it could probably moo.

 **HERMIONE**  
I read, he mocks

 **REMUS**  
He never changes socks

 **RON**  
Her hair looks like she had a few  
Eclectical shocks!

ALL  
This love makes me feel wary

 **RON**  
Like she thinks I'm ordinary.

 **SIRIUS**  
Like I'm really just too hairy.

 **REMUS**  
And he dresses like a fairy.

 **HERMIONE**  
But it's all very well.

ALL  
'Cause I know I'll never tell.

 **HERMIONE**  
When things get scary  
He hides behind his Harry.  
Now look, he's going to glare he  
always does this, oh boy.

 **REMUS**  
He's large  
And furry  
And always in a hurry  
He never-

 **SIRIUS**  
His eyesight's blurry!

 **RON**  
That was my verse, oi!

[REMUS starts dancing.]

 **REMUS**  
What the-

[They all break into choreographed dancing, moving from choreographed boyband moves, to the Twist, to strictly ballroom.]

ALL  
You are...

 **RON**  
...a know-it-all

 **HERMIONE**  
...a freckled ball.

 **REMUS**  
You're the best of the Marauders  
I'm your number-one applauder

 **SIRIUS**  
And you've got the longest... memory!

 **HERMIONE**  
I can't

 **RON**  
Can't say it

 **REMUS**  
Can't bring myself to play it

 **SIRIUS**  
Can never let him know about the love that I hide.

 **HERMIONE**  
I've read about it  
That's why I'll always doubt it

 **REMUS**  
If I could I would just shout it  
From the mountainside!

ALL  
It's hard, it's never easy  
To say the things we feel way deep down

 **RON**  
I'll never change from what I am

 **HERMIONE**  
I don't think I want another man

 **REMUS**  
Will it all come crashing down  
If Voldemort is never found

 **SIRIUS**  
What'll happen if they catch me  
And they Kiss me and dispatch me

 **RON**  
Am I stupid?

 **HERMIONE** :  
Am I careful?

 **REMUS**  
Can you even marry werewolves?

 **SIRIUS**  
I don't know if it is legal  
But I'm known to rebel!

ALL  
But that's why we'll never tell.  
We swear that we'll never tell.

 **RON**  
Our lips are sealed.

 **HERMIONE**  
Mum is the word.

 **REMUS**  
Nothing to see.

 **SIRIUS**  
Move it along.

ALL  
I'll never... tell!

CUT TO:

13 EXT. HOGWARTS GROUNDS - DAY 13

 **RON** , **HERMIONE** , **SIRIUS** and **REMUS** walk along the sidewalk. In the background, various people dance and sing as they pass by. **RON** and **HERMIONE** are talking over each other in their anxiety over what just happened in the Common Room.

 **RON**  
It's a nightmare! It's a CURSE!

 **HERMIONE**  
This simply CAN'T go on!

 **RON**  
It's like a nightmare about a curse!

 **HERMIONE**  
It's like we're being watched... like we're... characters, in a book! And someone's writing us, right now!

 **RON**  
I COULDN'T SHUT MY BLOODY MOUTH!

 **HERMIONE**  
And they're just changing everything about us and rewriting the text to change - hey! I'm not a pain!

 **RON**  
And everything bloody rhymed, and I don't DROOL!

 **HERMIONE**  
Professor Lupin, you have to stop this.

 **REMUS**  
Well, we have some clues-

 **HERMIONE**  
And I can't even sort out what genre our song was. I mean, was it retro? Was it modern? It certainly wasn't anything I would hear on Top of the Pops-

 **RON**  
Top of the what?

 **SIRIUS**  
Look, Moony - just tell me where to point my wand, and I will hex whoever I have to, to make this stop.

 **REMUS**  
SIRIUS, as much as I'd like to, it's not that simple...

[They pass **ANGELINA** , who is pleading with **MADAME HOOCH** about a broomstick.]

 **ANGELINA**  
Oi, Madame Hooch!  
It isn't right, it isn't fair.  
The Snitch, it was right there!  
I think that Bludger wasn't there.  
Why not give us the goal?

 **RON**  
...wait, so they found someone burnt up in Hogsmeade? You mean, a body?

 **SIRIUS**  
I don't know about you, but if we'd kept singing I'd have set the room on fire, myself.

 **REMUS**  
Obviously, this is making everyone behave rather irrationally, but as far as the body is concerned, according to the Magical Law Enforcement he just spontaneously combusted. There's only been the one. Sirius saw the body; he snuck into the village as Padfoot.

 **RON**  
Okay... and this is all related? The burning and dancing and singing and dying?

 **REMUS**  
We don't know. Harry said he was going to ask someone who might know.

 **HERMIONE**  
Good for him. Harry always comes through!

 **SIRIUS**  
Well, yes, but... well, yes. (sighs) Harry always comes through.

CUT TO:

14 INT. SLYTHERIN DUNGEONS

[DRACO is sitting by the fire as **HARRY** sneaks in with his invisibility cloak. He drops it, and **DRACO** looks at him bemusedly.]

 **DRACO**  
Why, it's Potter and one of his wonderful toys. Come to serenade me?

 **HARRY**  
So you've heard?

 **DRACO**  
Well, when you see Crabbe and Goyle make like Donny and Marie, you might start to suspect that there is something rotten in Hogsmeade. Suffice it to say, however, that my superiour Slytherin intellect has left me unscathed.

[He holds up a Firewhiskey bottle.]

 **DRACO**  
Drink?

 **HARRY**  
That'd be a no. Have you got any idea what's going on, then?

 **DRACO**  
Ah, right. You're here to work me over for information, then.

 **HARRY**  
Can you think of another reason I would want to work you over? Don't answer that.

 **DRACO**  
Nevermind. I won't bore you with small talk.

[ **DRACO** rises, goes to the door to the Common Room and opens it, looking at HARRY expectantly.]

 **DRACO**  
No idea. Bye, now.

 **HARRY**  
Friendly.

 **DRACO**  
It's nothing. Thanks for calling by. [twitches] Really. You can go, now.

 **HARRY**  
But what-

 **DRACO** (sighs, rolls his eyes, makes a face)  
I tried, so many years before  
To give you someone to adore  
And why you wouldn't be with me,  
I think know the score.

It's hard, to be the boy who lived  
And not one of your friends can know  
What it's like to give  
All you have within yourself,  
They never would forgive

But that is not how it should be,  
'cause it's not fair that they love you,  
And turn away from me  
And I'm nothing but a snob to them,  
A lifelong enemy.  
Why can't you set me free.

Harry, set me free,   
let me be what I can be  
Tell me I can be a hero too  
And redemption comes to me  
So I can be the one you turn to  
When you're in need of peace  
So Harry, set me free.

You know, I could be your mate  
Moreso than that Mudblood freak  
And red-head reprobate  
But you don't know, won't give me time  
To question both our fates  
And you won't set me free.

I know, it can't be  
But our two houses like in dignity  
And we both are caught in their history  
And it doesn't help that my dad's D.E.  
But if you'd let me be what I want to be  
And set me free of my family tree

And let me be, and Harry, set me free  
let me be what I can be  
Tell me I can be a hero too  
And redemption comes to me  
So I can be the one you turn to  
When you're in need of peace  
So Harry, set me free.

 **DRACO** starts hexing everything in sight, utterly wrecking the Common Room. **HARRY** tackles him to get him to stop, lands on top of him, face to face.

 **DRACO**  
Why won't you set me free?

 **HARRY** gets up and runs out of the Common Room.

 **DRACO**  
So... Suppose you wouldn't want an encore.

 **CUT TO:**

 **16 INT. POTIONS CLASSROOM**

 **GINNY** sits quietly at her desk after everyone leaves. **SNAPE** stands behind his desk.

 **SNAPE**  
You should go, Miss Weasley. I believe you have homework.

 **GINNY**  
I do. Transfiguration. It was nicer when we were singing about it.

 **SNAPE**  
Professor Lockhart has heard from Professor Lupin his suspicions as to what is occuring. A Dark Wizard, more than likely. Fortunately, not a Death Eater of any sort, not that I'm aware of at any rate.

 **GINNY**  
Er, do they know who it is?

 **SNAPE**  
Professor Lockhart is attempting to sort that out for himself.

 **GINNY**  
Oh, Professor Snape, I'm ever so glad you two sorted things out.

 **SNAPE**  
...I beg your pardon?

 **GINNY**  
Um... you and Professor Lockhart. You were always bickering, when he was here before, and... well, it made me nervous. Now, though, it's all right. You're getting along famously.

 **SNAPE**  
Miss Weasley, you are mistaken, I have never quarrelled with Gi- Professor Lockhart-

 **GINNY**  
It's okay, Professor! I mean, I'm just glad it's over.

[ **SNAPE** frowns, and a look of realisation crosses his face.]

 **SNAPE**  
Get out. I need to attend to something, and I would rather not leave a student in here unsupervised.

 **GINNY**  
Er... But Professor-

 **SNAPE**  
NOW, Miss Weasley.

[GINNY nods and flees, the Potions classroom door slamming shut behind her. She slows down and walks through the dark dungeon corridors with her books hugged against her chest. In her hand is HARRY's quill, which she fidgets with nervously.]

 **GINNY**  
Does anybody even notice?  
Does anybody even care?

[She turns a corner and comes face-to-face with a **DEATH EATER** , who grabs her and carries her off into the shadows.]

 **FADE OUT**

 **ACT III**

 **17 INT. CHAMBER OF SECRETS**

[ **GINNY** awakens in the Chamber. She jumps up and tries to run off but three **Death Eaters** appear, and the resulting escape attempt is actually the TimeWarp.]

 **RIDDLE**  
Hey, remember me?  
You and I had... fun.  
You told me everything  
You really were a troubled one

I gave you a friend to confide in  
When you were all alone and forgotten  
Here I am again, and  
I've only just begun.

I'm the whispering  
In your nightmares, child  
I'm the darkness that  
Makes you feel so wicked wild

I kept you under supervision  
Waiting to make my next decison  
How to get him back  
Potter has got me riled

 **RIDDLE**  
And I know that you're evil, girl  
I know, you're so evil, girl

 **GINNY**  
Um, wait, does this mean you're alive again? Or are you still a memory?

 **RIDDLE**  
Oh, those memories, they just last so long  
Thing about that is, I have become way too strong  
I'm no longer just a creation  
Of a teenager's imagination  
Now I'm whole again, that's why I sing this song

You gave me time inside your mind  
Back when you were small  
Now I return with power to burn  
And now I will rule them all!

 **RIDDLE**  
And I know, that you're evil, girl

 **GINNY**  
No, just wait, 'cause I hate  
Everything that's about you

 **RIDDLE**  
I'll make you evil, girl

 **GINNY**  
No I don't, and you won't  
'Cause that's all just so untrue

 **RIDDLE**  
I will save the world for the Wizards  
And Potter then, I'll slit his gizzard

 **GINNY**  
Oh my God, you're a fraud  
You were never my real friend

 **RIDDLE**  
You don't know just with whom your messin'  
I taught Potter his very first lesson

 **GINNY**  
They'll be here, you should fear  
'Cause HARRY'll lead them!

 **RIDDLE**  
Of course he will.

 **GINNY**  
Um.

[ **RIDDLE** chuckles and turns to his Death Eaters.]

 **RIDDLE**  
Find Potter, let him know where we are, and who we have for bait - er, I mean, guest. Deliver the message personally. I want to be sure he gets it.

 **RIDDLE**  
That's the whole idea  
That's what I'm waiting for.

 **CUT  
TO:**

 **18 INT. DADA CLASSROOM 18**

[ **HARRY** banishes a Dementor with a Patronus.]

 **SIRIUS**  
Well done.

 **HARRY**  
I feel like I should have a Chocolate Frog.

 **REMUS**  
I know this is remedial, Harry, but we don't know what we're up against, here, so... best to be prepared.

 **HARRY**  
You'll sort it out. I'm just having Quidditch practise flashbacks.

 **SIRIUS**  
I promise you that the only balls in this room are neither golden nor winged, and I'd thank you not to grab them. Anyway, I don't think we need to work so much on your spells, right now.

 **HARRY**  
Yeah, I picked up all I need to know from Voldemort, last time.

[ **HARRY** flicks his wand and binds **REMUS's** hands behind his back. Another flick, and **REMUS** is free.]

 **SIRIUS**  
Er, have you ever had a chance to discuss with Ginny what happened, er, that year she was taken?

 **HARRY** (to **REMUS** )  
Oh. I thought you took care of that?

[ **REMUS** nods, sadly.]

 **REMUS**  
Er. Right.

 **HARRY**  
I'd be nothing without you lot. [whips out wand again] Okay. Let's practise hexes. I'm ready.

 **SIRIUS**  
You're not ready for what's coming next.  
You keep on practising to curse and hex.  
And I came back to help, but it's too complex  
And I...

[ **REMUS** conjures a Death Eater that **HARRY** easily deflects with a curse.]

 **SIRIUS**  
You had no warning, and you never knew  
Just what was happening to you  
And I'm no help to you, because I am ruined, too  
And I

I wish I could say the right words  
To lead you through this land.  
Wish I could play the father  
And take you by the hand.  
Wish I could stay here  
But now I understand...  
I'm standing in the way

 **CUT TO:**

 **19 INT. SLYTHERIN DUNGEONS**

[ **SIRIUS** 'S voiceover continues as **SNAPE** conjures a potion in his cauldron.]

 **SIRIUS**  
The world around you doesn't give you joy  
You never got to be a normal boy

 **CUT TO:**

 **20 INT. DADA CLASSROOM**

[ **HARRY** is hexing false monsters, spelling one object into another, while REMUS and **SIRIUS** watch]

 **SIRIUS**  
The life you never had, I helped to destroy  
And I...

And I can't be the hero  
Who's always at your back  
I am just the reject son  
Of the Noble House of Black

Wish I could be there  
And help you back on track  
But I'm standing in the way.  
I'm just standing in the way.

[ **HARRY** stops casting, and looks at **SIRIUS**.]

 **HARRY**  
Did you just say something?

 **CUT TO:**

 **19 INT. DUNGEONS**

[ **SNAPE** is mixing a potion, from a book called Moste Potente Potions. It is a remedy for Memory Charms. If he takes it, it will reveal whether or not he has been under a charm, and who cast it upon him. He finishes, and downs the potion, and a look of grim disgust comes over his face.]

 **SNAPE**  
I'm under your spell.  
I don't understand  
How could he have planned  
To put me through such hell  
Why did he not see?  
He and I could never be  
He made me believe...

 **CUT TO:**

 **INT. DADA CLASSROOM**

 **SIRIUS** in the DADA classroom, looking out of the window while the others converse behind him.]

 **SIRIUS**  
Believe me, I don't want to go,  
But I should have, long ago  
Because you don't know

Wish I could say the right words   
To lead you through this land.   
Wish I could play the father   
And take you by the hand.

Wish I could stay here.   
Wish I could stay here.   
Wish I could stay here.   
Wish I could stay.

 **CUT TO:**

 **INT. DUNGEONS**

 **SNAPE**  
Believe me, I don't want to go  
But I should have, long ago  
But you don't know

You were the one but  
Now it's done  
And it's damage you have won  
And what's begun has come undone  
It's done and I just

Wish I could stay here.  
Wish I could stay here.  
Wish I could stay here.  
Wish I could stay.

 **CUT TO:**

 **INT. DADA CLASSROOM**

 **DRACO**  
Look what I found.

 **HERMIONE**  
He's a Death Eater!

[ ** **LOCKHART**** calls for **SNAPE** using the fireplace. **SNAPE** arrives.]

 ** **LOCKHART****  
Sevvie!

 **SNAPE**  
Don't. Call. Me. Sevvie.

 **DRACO**  
Yeah, and he says he's got word for HARRY. Can't send an owl like a normal person, apparently. But anyway, come on then. [He kicks the DE.] Sing.

 **DEATH EATER**  
My Lord has Miss Ginny Weasley hostage at the Chamber.

 **REMUS**  
What does he want?

[The **DE** points at **HARRY**.]

 **HARRY**  
Well, now. Who saw that coming?

[ **DRACO** pokes the **DE** in the side with his wand.]

 **DRACO**  
If that's all you've got to say, then-

[The **DE** transforms into a bat and flutters off out of the window.]

 **DRACO**  
Proves it. Voldemort's gone batty.

 **HARRY**  
Right. Ginny is in trouble. And I have deja vu.

 **SNAPE**  
I threw her out of my classroom...

 **HARRY**  
It's not your fault. Though, if you want it to be, that'd be fine. (to **REMUS** and **SIRIUS** ) So what's the plan?

 **RON**  
NO PLAN! WE GO AND SAVE MY SISTER! >:0!

 **REMUS**  
...no.

 **HERMIONE**  
Ginny probably didn't mean for it to happen. She's connected to Riddle, remember? This could be very sticky.

 ** **LOCKHART****  
...so we're going to stay here, right?

 **REMUS**  
Yes. We are. Harry... has to go alone.

 **DRACO**  
What do you know, werewolf? He can't go-

 **SIRIUS**  
If we want your opinion, Draco, We'll - No. We'll never want your opinion.

 ** **LOCKHART****  
Perhaps a Confundus Charm would-

 **SNAPE**  
That will not help. At all.

 **DRACO** (to **HARRY** )  
Bugger them. Potter, I'll go with you.

 **HARRY**  
Really, and then what, will you sing me another devotional?

 **RON**  
Oh, did ickle Drakie-do sing an ickle song?

 **HERMIONE**  
Was it an aria? Or perhaps more of a big-band number?

 **RON**  
Let it go, Herm.

 **DRACO**  
(to **HARRY** )  
Alright, fine. Go off, meet your doom. And take the red-headed whelp with you.

[ **DRACO** storms out.]

 **HARRY**  
(to **REMUS** and **SIRIUS** )  
You're really... not coming with me?

 **REMUS**  
This is your choice, Harry.

 **HARRY**  
What do you expect me to do?

 **SIRIUS** (softly)  
What everyone expects of you.

 **CUT TO:**

 **20 INT. MYRTLE'S TOILET**

[ **HARRY** pauses before the faucet that opens the Chamber.]

 **HARRY**  
I touch the faucet and it moves for me.  
I look down in it and it's black  
Why should I go?  
Why not just let her go?  
I wish I could turn back.

 **DISSOLVE TO:**

 **21 INT. CHAMBER OF SECRETS  
**  
 **RIDDLE** pushes **GINNY** down onto the ground and keeps her at wandpoint, and **HARRY** sings in voiceover.

 **HARRY**  
But down below she waits for me  
To bring her back and save the day  
Just like before, the story's Hogwarts lore  
There's nothing more to say

 **CUT TO:**

 **22 EXT. TUNNELS UNDER HOGWARTS**

[ **HARRY** continues on.]

 **HARRY**  
So I will walk through the chamber  
And Voldemort defy  
I will walk through the chamber  
Until I...

 **CUT TO:**

 **23 INT. SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM**

[ **DRACO** broods.]

 **DRACO**  
And here I am, alone again  
I'll let that brat deal with the fray  
He makes me think  
I hate him, Potter STINKS  
I'll help him anyway

 **INTERCUT WITH:**

 **24 INT. CHAMBER OF SECRETS**

[ **RIDDLE** grins at **GINNY**.]

 **RIDDLE**   
'Cause he will come to the Chamber  
And I would never lie  
And he will come to the Chamber  
And then he'll...

 **DRACO**  
Why can't he ever lie  
And not go to the Chamber  
Where he will...

 **CUT TO:**

 **25 INT. DADA CLASSROOM**

 **SIRIUS**  
Will this make my Harry better?  
Will Ginny's wish he'd never met her?  
Is my godson much too blind to see?

 **RON**  
What if Harry gets himself cursed?

 **HERMIONE**  
Freckle-face, don't think the worst  
And don't you make that sort of face at me!

 **ALL**  
What did we do?  
We should have all gone with him, too  
So we will go to the Chamber

 **CUT TO:**

 **26 INT. NEARING THE CHAMBER.**

 **HARRY**   
And all my friends have given up  
They just can't handle it at all  
Just what you give, to be the Boy Who Lived  
They lift me up to watch me fall

 **SNAPE**  
What can't we face if we're together?

 **HERMIONE**  
He was cursed when he was smaller

 **RIDDLE**  
Just as I thought, they'll come to me  
They follow Harry where he goes  
None of them know  
That I will run the show  
Until the curtain falls to close

 **DRACO**  
First I'll hex him, 'cause he's taller.

 **SNAPE**  
Why am I forever wearing black?

 **HARRY**  
Going through the motions...

 **DRACO**  
No, I'll help him, then I'll hex him?

 ** **LOCKHART****  
I think Draco wants to sex him.

 **SIRIUS**  
What if we never get him back?

 **HARRY**  
These seven years  
Were full of nightmares and of fears

 **RIDDLE**  
He will come to me!

 **ALL**  
And we are caught in the Chamber  
The end is coming nigh  
So we will walk through the Chamber  
Until we die

 **ALL**  
Until we die

 **ALL**   
Until we die - until we die!

[ **HARRY** opens the Chamber, and barges in, wand at the ready.]

 **RIDDLE**  
Potter...

 **FADE OUT**

 **ACT IV**

 **27 INT. THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS**

 **RIDDLE**  
We meet again.

 **HARRY**  
So, this is the part where you tell me your diabolical scheme, and then I thwart you. With lots of capital letters, and a miraculous appearance by Dumbledore.

 **RIDDLE**  
How very... the last seven years.

 **HARRY**  
What can I say? We're nothing if not dependable.

 **GINNY**  
Harry, I - I've killed chickens.

 **HARRY**  
It's okay. They're just vegetables, with feathers.

 **GINNY**  
Oh. Um, also - he says I'm evil.

 **HARRY**  
Not if I can help it. (to **RIDDLE** ) So, I kill you or you kill me, is that it?

 **RIDDLE**  
I believe that's the plot, yes.

 **HARRY**  
Ah. Well, then. We should, er, get on with it.

 **RIDDLE**  
So quickly? Why rush things? I think we could perhaps get another seven years out of this.

 **HARRY**  
I'd rather not.

 **RIDDLE**  
Come on now, where's your sense of adventure? Excitement?

 **HARRY**  
One wonders...

 **HARRY**  
Life's a book, and chapter one's the start  
We meet who plays the parts  
And let them in our hearts

 **HARRY**  
The second book, and it will come undone  
And evil might have won  
If I hadn't been the one

[ **DEATH EATERS** come after ****HARRY**** , he starts hexing them.]

 ** **HARRY****  
Turn the page  
Read on  
Every word's  
Magical  
Feel it in  
your heart  
Chapter's done  
Read on  
On to  
The end

[ ** **REMUS**** , ****SIRIUS**** and the others arrive.]

 ** **HARRY****  
That's how the story goes  
That's how everyone knows  
Don't give me books

 ** **REMUS****  
He needs backup. Hermione, Ron.

[They run up behind ****HARRY**** and take up backing vocals.]

 ** **HARRY****  
Don't give me books  
I just want a happy end  
Give us all a happy end

Life's a book  
You don't get to rewrite  
There's no ending in sight  
You read it all with spite

And my friends  
They think it's all a plot  
In which we all are caught  
They don't know what we've got

Sentences  
that don't  
Tell you what  
To do  
How to think  
Or feel  
And the end  
Wonder  
If it's  
Happy

But as the chapters go  
You read some more and still you don't know  
Just how it ends  
It just depends

[ ** **HARRY**** pauses. ****RIDDLE**** grins.]

 ** **HARRY****  
None of you know  
That I have embarked  
A life of the marked  
and destined

[ ** **HARRY**** looks at the others, who look back at him, sadly.]

 ** **HARRY****  
And that's how it is  
I've either got  
To kill on the spot  
Or be killed.  
Murdered or a victim.

[ ** **SNAPE**** looks uncomfortable. ****SIRIUS**** looks pained.]

 ** **HARRY****  
So where the hell is the happy end?  
Please  
Where is this happy end?

[ ** **HARRY**** starts to dance, faster and faster, his feet smoking, and his wand sparking out of control. Before he can explode, however, **DRACO** appears and grabs him.]

 **DRACO**  
Life's not a book  
Life can't be writ  
It's not prose and not wit  
And endings...

They're not always glad  
The end could be bad  
It could drive you mad  
But endings...

Everything ends...  
So long as it just ends...

 ** **GINNY****  
We just have to live every day one word at a time.

[ ** **RIDDLE**** applauds.]

 ** **RIDDLE****  
How deep. I'm touched. No, really.

 ** **HARRY**** (darkly, raises his wand)  
Avada-

 ** **RIDDLE****  
Oh, no you don't. Your ending isn't now, boy. Your ending's just begun.

 ** **RON****  
What the hell does that mean?

 ** **RIDDLE****  
We have a good thing going, Potter. Who else can say that they have an adventure of life and death once a year? Some people go their whole lives without even coming close.

 ** **GINNY****  
And this is a problem, how?

 ** **RIDDLE****  
You people have no sense of drama.

 ** **GINNY****  
You grow up in a house of nine people, and you'd have more drama than you'd know what to do with.

 ** **REMUS****  
I would rather we just settle this now, honestly. Save us all some time, in the long run. And some of us are just too damn old to be chasing you around, RIDDLE.

 ** **HERMIONE****  
And, it's really sort of predictable.

 ** **RON****  
Boring!

 ** **RIDDLE****  
Philistines.

[Everyone looks at him, curiously.]

 ** **RON****  
I'll have you know I'm perfectly straight, thanks.

 ** **RIDDLE**** (sighs)  
Well, I've got to go  
Try not to shed a tear  
I'm sure you all can  
Understand I was sincere

All the things you've all been revealing  
Will come back to haunt you now, once more, with feeling.  
Now I'm off again  
I'll see you all next year!

[ ** **RIDDLE**** Disapparates, leaving them all bewildered.]

 ** **GINNY****  
What will the ending be?

 **ALL**  
What will the ending be?

 ** **REMUS****  
The year is gone  
But another one dawns

 ** **SIRIUS** & **REMUS****  
So we stand here and decree  
What will the ending be?

 ** **HERMIONE** & **RON****  
Why couldn't we just see  
How much he needed me

 **ALL**  
We closed our eyes and he told us lies  
And we wouldn't set him free

 ** **REMUS****  
Tell me

 **ALL**  
What will our ending be?

 **ALL**  
What will become of he?

[ **DRACO** snorts.]

 **DRACO**  
Fuck this.

 **ALL**  
HARRY alone is the key  
We're lost in the fog of a closing snog  
And we'll fight the urge to squee  
What will the ending be?

 **CUT**   
**TO:**

 **28 INT. MYRTLE'S TOILET.**

[ **DRACO** climbs out of the Chamber. ****HARRY**** follows him.]

 ** **HARRY****  
Draco, hang on.

 **DRACO**  
Go on back down there, it's not a chorus without the choir-boy.

 ** **HARRY****  
I'm not a choir-boy.

 **DRACO**  
No, I suppose you're not. Most choir-boys aren't marked for death. You're more of an angst-ridden Goth sort, then.

 ** **HARRY****  
Draco-

 **DRACO**  
Don't.

 ** **HARRY****  
I touched the faucet and it moved for me.  
I looked down in it and it's black  
You're not the one, but before my story's done...

 **DRACO**  
I tried, so many years before  
You could make me come undone...

[Frantic snogging and buggery.]

 **ALL**  
What will the ending be?

 **THE END**


End file.
